Is she crying because she is hurting or just because we have her spoiled rotten?
Why doesn’t she eat well anymore? Does the food taste bad because she’s had a viral infection? Is she just starting to be a picky eater? Does it hurt when she eats? Why does she cry when she is done eating? Is she hurting or just throwing a fit?
Is the thermometer working correctly? Could it just be giving me crazy readings?
Why is her white blood cell count low?
Does she just have runny pooh because she was on antibiotics or is it a result of her tumor secreting hormones?
Why has she had a fever every day for the last 10 days? That comes back during the same time every day?
Why has she been sick for 22 days? And why was she the first one sick and the only one still sick?
Oh, the questions that fill my mind as I wait.
I hope that tomorrow will bring a day where she does not have fever, but honestly at this point, I don’t expect that to be what the day brings.
We still haven’t heard back from the oncologist but the family doctor said that all tests he ordered came back normal so far, except that she has a low white blood cell count and high lymphocytes, which indicated that it was not an infection, but a virus. And if she is still running fever on Friday to call and make an appointment so he can check her ears again.
I don’t think it is her ears. All her congestion seems to be gone. Some nights she seems to have a harder time breathing and she snores hard all night…but not always. But the snot and boogers and for the most part the cough is gone.
And so I think of all these small things that in some circumstances can add up to be an ugly picture.
A virus that never seems to end. A fever that comes at certain time every day. Red checks. Darkness under her eyes. Her eye seems to be drooping more. Loose stool. Clingy. Irritable. Crying for reasons we can’t figure out. Vein by right eye seems to be protruding more. Poor appetite.
And while we wait, just to make sure I am not measuring her temp wrong, I keep checking the thermometers by taking her temp and then her siblings. During the day, she has fever, and they have a normal temp. I wait on doctors to call back……I wonder how long does she hold to having a fever every day before we move forward to find something out.
Her next MRI is scheduled for the 17th and that is a long time to wait.
But while we wait, I treasure her little head being laid on my shoulder. I hold tight to the image of her smiling at me from the swing. I stand amazed at how she manages to get herself just about anywhere she wants. The top of the table….or the stairs – no problem. Through the baby gate – it can be done.
The waiting is hard, but while we wait, I choose to treasure her and her siblings. I will choose to be thankful unto the Lord for the time with them….even if it is not going according to planned.