I hesitate to publish the following. Yet in the face of authenticity I feel compelled because one heart beat behind this blog is the desire for the myth of supermom to be burst.
The morning light illuminates the room, alarm buzzing. Where did the night go? Stiff shoulders, burning pain in my ankles, heavy achy muscles.
These mornings, I hate.
Sips of coffee, trying to see the Word, through squinted eyes. Whimpers..some days even whining to the Lord. Oh not today. Crying out, “Lord I so desperately need you today. I won’t make it without you. Show me which steps to take. What do I let go?”
Knowing these days, that getting through just the basics of life is a day of success.
Thankfully, these days are far between now. But they still exist. And I loathe them.
They fly in the face of what I want to do. How I want to be. This isn’t how I wanted life to be, not who I want to be. I’m not the wife I want to be. The mother I envisioned myself as. Or the friend always there ready to lend a hand.
I see things falling all around me, and feel so powerless to hold them up. Messes pile up but I just don’t have it in me to disperse them.
Welcome the beast of Fibromyalgia.
And yet, this season, this place God has allowed me to be. He promises that it is all for His glory and my good, and His promises are true.
This is a season of humbling. I can not hold things together, like I thought I could or think I should.
These days, that Fibro symptoms flare, I feel like I’m being lazy. I’ve spent so many years trying to prove that I am not lazy. But when I struggle for words, and fire radiates around my bones, I need to just sit or lay down. These days I battle the thoughts that I am not enough: that I am not giving enough to my family, not serving others well, failing the Lord. I sit barely functioning, thoughts evading my mind.
God’s word tells me to learn in this season, in these days, that God is enough. He is the great I AM. HE is enough for my kids and my husband on those days when I fall so short. In actuality, it’s every day that I fall so short – not just my Fibro days. But He is always there.
And He is always enough.
He is working in me, in my family. He will complete the good work that He has started.
He is faithful.
“God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”- 1 Corithinas 1:9